The PlayStation 2 has one of the biggest (if not the biggest) libraries of games available. And whilst a lot of them are absolute gems, like Silent Hill 2, Final Fantasy X and XII, and Grand Theft Auto: San Adreas, there are some that are just horrid. This was inevitable when you consider how many games are available for the console…
However, even these truly horrid excuses for games end up looking good compared the ones in this list. Today, I wanted to cover 7 games that I would only buy when I’d already bought every other PS2 game. In order words, these are games I would only get hold off if it was to finish my collection. So, let’s get started!
London Cab Challenge
If ever you hear the name “Phoenix Games, know that it should act as a warning not to have faith in the game you’re looking at. In fact, they are widely regarded as one of the absolute worst developers to ever sink their teeth into the PlayStation 2! And London Cab Challenge is a great example of just why they earned this reputation…
On a console that could handle the magnificence of Dalmasca from Final Fantasy XII, the rendition of “London” in this game looks like a Lego city brought to life in a 2 year old’s drawing. Actually, no… That’s an insult to all 2 year olds out there…
On top of this, the gameplay is a nightmare. Your so-called Taxi, which looks more like a misshapen matchbox with wheels, slides around the road without any real grip. The traffic, and indeed the game world itself, just sort of appears out of nowhere, and sometimes objects will glitch out, allowing you to drive part way through them before the spit you out across the road. This is a game would look awful on the original PlayStation, so on the PlayStation 2 it just looks like a joke… And a bad one at that.
Oh man, this post really is the bottom of the barrel for PlayStation 2 games… Seriously. The Charlie’s Angels remake movie series was very much a “Marmite” series. You either thought they were awesome or, like me, loathe them. However, when it comes to the movie tie-in game for the PS2, things are entirely different.
There’s no split opinions about this piece of garbage. Gamespot, for example, gave it a rather generous score of 1.9 out of 10. That says everything, right there.
The “combo system” within the game is the most lackluster I have personally come across, as it really only lets you do two hits of the same move, and then repeats itself. So, you can kick twice, repeatedly… Or punch twice, repeatedly. Sounds like fun, right? No? Didn’t think so.
The graphics themselves look as if the designers came to work still drunk from the night before and just tried to put something together to make it look like they were working and not watching cat videos on the internet. Oh, and the glitches in the game are just utterly insane! Avoid this one at all cost, at least until there’s nothing else left for you to buy for your collection… And even then, ask yourself if it’s worth it.
Crazy Frog Racer 1 and 2
Do you remember the Crazy Frog thing? That stupid video with the frog on an invisible bike that made the most irritating sounds? You know, the one that became a ringtone? Well, did you know they made not one, but two racing games based upon it? How outlandish and downright terrible does that sound as a video game concept? The background music would make you want to stick a fork in your ear, whilst at the same, the race track design would make you pass out from utter boredom.
Then, to make things even worse, the sequel came out and actually managed to make it all worse! If ever there were games that solidifies and personifies the “quick cash in” game development model, these two absurd and downright insulting pieces of shovelware would be prime candidates.
In fact, I’d rather play the E.T game that largely caused the Video Game Industry crash of the 80s than subject myself to these two again. And yes, I did play them, once… And that was enough.
Little Britain: The Game
I’m not even sure I can really call this a game. It’s up there with all of those terrible mobile games that everyone hates, and yet they might actually be better! In essence, Little Britian: The (Not Really A) Game is just a collection of tasks that you need to complete. As others have said in reviews, you can’t even call it a collection of mini-games. It’s just a bunch of random things that are whole unsatisfying and lifeless.
The less said about this abomination the better. It left a sour taste in my mouth from the overly offensive jokes (you start the game as a fat man dressed as a woman, which is supposed to be funny “because he’s fat”) and downright pathetic “game design”, if there really was any. All I can say is that I hope the junior developers that had to sit through the torture of working on this project at least learnt from their seniors’ mistakes and went on to better prospects.
Typically, when a video game tie-in for a movie is made, it’s going to be terrible. Just look a the aforementioned Charlie’s Angles. However, when a movie is as downright atrocious as the 2004 Catwoman film was, you’d thing the game couldn’t get any worse. You’d be wrong. The controls were awe-inspiring with how bad they were, and the camera was one of the worst I have seen in gaming. I mean, even the original Playstation’s Rugrats was a better game than this!
The one-liners and puns only made the game more embarrassing to play, and the actual gameplay mechanics were shoddy at best. I’ll never forget the short time I spent playing this game, but for all the wrong reasons!
America’s 10 Most Wanted
Violent first person shooters are always going to be part of the video game landscape. That’s just the way it is. But for every big budget blockbuster like your Battlefield, Call of Duty or Titanfall, there will also be that odd and just down right unnecessary low budget one too. And that is exactly what America’s 10 Most Wanted was. In essence, you are tasked with fighting and killing drug dealers and terrorists in one of the most poorly designed shooters ever.
For example, in some cases, when you step out of a room and then come back in, all of the enemies will suddenly be alive again! On top of that, how difficult is it to the the controls of a first person shooter right? The game feels sluggish and dull to play, and feels like the low budget, “filmed in a garden shed” adult movie version of games like Call of Duty.
I so badly wanted to like this game when it came out. I really tried to as well. I mean, Fight Club is one of my all time favourite movies, and I adore the book. So I was tentatively excited about this. Of course, part of me still said “it’s a tie-in game so don’t expect much”. That part of me was right. I mean, when you’re making a movie tie-in of Fight Club and can’t even get the likeness of Brad Pitt and Edward Norton into the game, you know you’ve got a major problem on your hands.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, the game relies on throwaway characters and absurd unlockables to bolster its roster of fighters. I mean, this is a Fight Club game where you can unlock Fred Durst! At least having him show up in WWE’s PS2 games made sense, since the Undertaker used a Limp Bizkit song as his entrance music.
But here, it just felt pointless. The use of still images and voice overs to tell an otherwise forgettable Fight Club story (which I never thought I’d say) only ends up making everything worse…
And That’s All Folks
We really looked at some of the worst examples of PlayStation 2 games ever today. These are games that, largely, are an embarrassment to the video game industry and should probably be forgotten. So, what did I do? Made sure that the we all remembered them. Sorry about that. But hey, at least you know that if you see one in a second hand shop, it really isn’t worth your time or money.
Are there any games that you feel are just horrid? Or are there any that someone would have to pay you to play? Let me know in the comments below!